Malk went to his room, and I laughed inwardly again. I love winning.

Clary was cheering for some character on the television. I started to order Clary to come with me, but I stopped myself before I could say anything.

Malk managed to figure out what I was doing to him and Clary, and Malk… Malk is not exactly a genius. As proven by his abysmal failure of an assassination attempt. Moron.

Clary seemed to be in love with me and more than willing to do whatever I said, but perhaps it was best to not take any more chances than I needed to. “Hey, Clary. I finished with Malk, do you want to come spar with me now, or would you rather wait until your show is finished?”

She looked up at me and said, “I can come now. It was a rerun anyways, and not really a good one.” She got up, grabbing her circlet and staff, and walked over to me, smiling.

I opened up a portal and we stepped through, emerging back in the clearing. Clary strolled over to the other side of it, and then turned to face me. She frowned, and pointed at something. “What happened to that tree?”

I looked, and it was the same one that I’d thrown Malk into. “Malk and I got a bit… intense, during our sparring session. I guess one of our attacks must have hit the tree.” I shrugged, and Clary nodded.

“So, will we be practicing illusions like usual?” she asked.

“Actually, I was thinking we should try and test how powerful you are, considering you now have those cool artifacts. They basically increase your power and skill, right?”

“Eh, pretty much, yeah. So, what kind of tests were you thinking?”

“I figured we’d start with a bit of control magic. I cast a spell, you try and take control of it and push it back towards me, while I try to push it towards you.”

She blinked a few times. “Me… trying to match your strength? Um, you realize I’m not crazy, right?”

I laughed. “Don’t worry about it, I won’t be giving it my all, just testing your limits.”

She didn’t look particularly reassured, but shrugged and pointed her staff at me, ready. I conjured a (harmless) ball of darkness, and sent it wobbling towards Clary. She closed her eyes, in deep concentration. When she opened them, the ball was a lot closer to her, but it suddenly slowed down as she exerted her will. I could feel her pushing against my spell, and doing a respectable job of it.

“So, Clary. What’s been up with you lately? I seem to remember that you work at a library, and that’s where you found the information on the dungeon, right?”

“Yep!” She beamed. “I’m now head of history and magic! I mean, it basically just means I have higher seniority and more free time, but still, it’s a nice title.”

“I’m not sure I’ve ever really inquired about what you do at the library. It doesn’t seem like much, just reorganizing books. What do library people even do?”

“Well, that is what my official job is, to manage the books and the sorting and keep things running. But in reality, most of the time I just read, and read, and read some more, and study, and research. And occasionally construct book forts with Jill and Riley.” She giggled, and I laughed as well.

“Book forts, hmm? Very professional, that’s exactly what I think of when I consider a professional library.”

“Professional? Shadow, it’s a library in a fairly boring, unimportant city. The few people who come in are regulars, and it really is a small team, even if we’ve got a silly system where ever wing has to have its own head librarian, mostly due to the size of the library. We can usually just do whatever we want.”

I sent a second orb at Clary, shoving my will through them both, and I felt her begin to strain a bit as she kept them away. “Sounds fun, to be honest. I don’t think I’ve ever really visited the library here, I suppose I should one day.

“Yeah, you should! It’s fun, and sometimes we have marathons where we watch entire seasons of our favorite shows. And I could give you a tour of the library!”

“A private tour, hmm, just the two of us?” I smirked, and Clary blushed, her attention slipping enough for one of the bolts to slam into her. She made a little shrieking noise, and barely managed to stop the second bolt from reaching her.

She laughed nervously, and said, “Well, you know, there are other people, but if you wanted, um, I guess, uh…”

She’s adorably awkward. “So what’s up with Malk these days? You two hang out so often, you probably know more about him than I do?”

“What, Malk? I mean, I guess we technically live together but, well, we don’t really talk much. Mostly about you, or about shows we like or dislike and the arguments that result. He doesn’t really care about the library other than the monster books, and I don’t care about his silly art obsession except when it comes to illustrations in books, and even then I don’t get all crazy about it like he does. We really don’t have much in common.”

Hmm. Time to lie.

“Huh. I’d always kind of figured you two were an item, what with you two living together, and the dynamic I’ve observed whenever the three of us are together.”

She looked mortified, and her concentration slipped again. She saw the orb at the last second and stopped it, but still seemed more focused on the conversation. “No, oh no no no! We’re not together at all, believe me, that is so far from the truth.” She hesitated, then took a deep breath and said, “To be honest, well… we’re both sort of, I guess you could say, um… infatuated. With you, I mean. We’ve tried to hide it, but…”

And now to play the role.

I adopted a shocked expression, and let Clary shove the orb back towards me, relaxing my will and only ‘recovering’ in time to keep it from hitting me.    “Infatuated? With me? I mean, I know I always act the way I do, but, I mean. Wow. I… I had no idea. I mean, me? Have you met me? After the way I act towards the two of you, the way I treat you? You like… me?”

“I… yeah. I do. And I don’t care about those things. I’m okay with it, because it makes me feel useful, like I have a place in the world and you know what that place is. By your side. I trust you and what you say.”

“Even the moment, the moment in the cathedral? My words, the titles I gave. ‘Belonging’. You weren’t scared by that, or revolted? I know that sometimes I can…” I made myself laugh nervously. “Sometimes I can be a bit insensitive, when I joke around with the two of you. I’m honestly, I’m just not good with people, so I snark. You… you really didn’t mind?”

Clary blushed further, and started stuttering. “Y-yes. Actually, I… it didn’t revolt me, it, it… it almost did the opposite. It excited me, the idea that I could be yours… but maybe I interpreted it a little too… r-romantic. I-I want to help you, I want to be with you, I would do anything for you.”

I slowly walked towards her, and I dismissed the darkness. When I was directly in front of her I asked, “Anything? You would do anything for my affection?” She nodded, and I leaned in to whisper in her ear. “You would obey? You would serve? You would be mine in every way, if it meant earning my affection?”

She hesitated only for a moment, and then said, “Yes. Yes, so much so. I want to be yours, Shadow. I think… I think I love you.”

I smiled at her and said, “That’s all I needed to hear.” I brought my arm around Clary’s back, and pressed her to me, feeling the warmth of her body. I tilted my head, and brought my lips down to meet hers, melding together in a flood of passion.

My eyes closed, and I relied on my other senses, which flooded me with information. I could feel Clary’s body, her lips, her warmth, all so close to my own, and I could smell a scent I’d never noticed before; a flowery perfume permeating Clary’s being, strong and fragrant. They were the same as a bundle of flowers I’d once gotten Clary as a half-joking gift, and brought back memories of her awkward expression that day.

I pulled Clary tighter to me, my other hand running through her hair as we were both lost in the emotion and intimacy of the kiss.

Or rather, she was lost in it. So innocent, so naïve. So easy to fool, to charm. And now, now she’s mine. She’ll do whatever I say, she’s practically my slave, my thrall. And all because of her love for me. The fool.

And then, reveling in the passion of the kiss and the triumph of truly controlling Clary… I felt a pang. A hurt. A clenching of my heart, and a feeling I’d felt only once before, and resolved to never feel again.

Guilt.

Eyes flung open.

Falling to the ground.

Clary too, but I barely noticed.

Scrambled to my feet.

“Wait, Shadow, what’s wrong?” Desperation and fear tinged her voice.

No time to speak, no time to think.

Into the air, the darkness around me.

Escape.

Trying to escape from that moment, trying to figure out what had gone wrong.

How?

Why?

WHAT IS HAPPENING!?

My mind was so confused, so wrapped up in the events of the past day, that with barely a whisper my spell fell apart, and I fell to the forest floor, crashing through trees, breaking bones, before landing with a savage snap against the ground, my body bruised and broken.

And I lay there on the ground, unable to comprehend.

Everything is… it’s all falling apart, it’s all changing. Fitzdonald won. I lost. And then, then Malk somehow figured out what was going on, and broke my hold on him, and we fought, and I broke him, and then Clary, and she loved me and I’m using her- with that last thought, another pang went through me, and I screamed in panic.

No, no, no! I don’t-I can’t- what is going on? Clary, she’s a slave, a pawn, she exists to serve, it’s why I entered her mind in the first place! That kiss, that moment, it was supposed to make her mine, not make me hers! Why? Why would I feel guilt? She’s nothing! She’s just a pawn!

I… I have a right! I told Mirror, I told her that I had a right and it is true, I have the right to do as I wish, why, why, why is this happening, I don’t, I don’t understand, she’s just a pawn, she’s just a fucking pawn!

Why?

The little girl from my dream stepped out of the trees and knelt by me. “Don’t you understand yet?”

“I… no, I don’t. Nothing makes sense anymore.”

“And nothing ever will. You’re supposed to be smart, Shadow. So think. What makes Clary different from anyone else you’ve ever manipulated? What makes her special, and what makes you vulnerable? Ignore Fitzdonald, ignore Malk. They aren’t important, and they aren’t causing this, you know that. So what is?”

I thought, and I thought, and then I found it. The thing that made her special. The thing that made me vulnerable. The cliché would have made me sick if I was capable of thinking straight right then.

“Love.”

“Correct. Beautiful, wonderful, passionate, joyous love. Or to you, a disgusting, hideous, revolting thing. It unites people, and sometimes it can drive them to commit atrocities, whether out of love for an individual or a community. And you’ve never been loved, not once. Oh sure, you’ve made people adore you, made them pleasure you, maybe you’ve even made them say they loved you. But that’s always been you doing the talking, the pretty little puppeteer. But now? Now it’s real. All you gave Clary was the spark. She really does love you. And that is enough to plant the seeds of doubt, to tear apart all your masks and your villainy and strike at whatever remains of your empathy.”

“Then… what do I do to stop it? To stop the guilt? I can’t… I don’t want to kill her… I can’t, why can’t I kill her… but I can’t… I can’t let her make me weak.”

“Then you must make yourself strong. Let not guilt enter your heart. Convince yourself. Make yourself believe that you are her superior, that she is nothing more than a slave that loves you. And play along with her obsession. Do this, and you can have everything you want. Embrace your role once more. You are Shadow. You rule on high, and it is only natural that others might feel love for their goddess. You’ve spoken these words to yourself before, but now you have to really, truly believe them.”

I nodded, and sighed, less worried than before. Then, I looked up at the girl and asked, “You’re not really me, are you?”

She smiled, and her smile reached past elemental limits, forming a cat-like grin of sharp teeth. “No, I’m not. But you might not remember that.”

I scowled at her, and tried to rise. “What is your name then?”

She waved her hand, and laughed, and then everything began to fade. For a brief second, I thought her eyes flickered golden-brown.

“My name… is-

I was lying on the ground, bleeding, broken, and briefly unconscious. As I woke, I shook my head to try and clear my mind, and I tried to grasp at any remnants of my dream. I remembered… I remembered panicking about the guilt, about Clary, and I remembered the girl appearing, and I remember us discussing love, and how it was a weakness, and I needed to convince myself that I was above Clary, so I wouldn’t fall into a trap and make her my weakness. And then… something blurry.

It probably wasn’t important. I stood up, and began healing my wounds, depleting my energy reserves to low levels. I needed to get more, soon. I began walking back in the direction of Clary, and thinking.

I needed to maintain the illusion that I cared for her, while keeping myself emotionally distant enough that I wouldn’t be affected by guilt. Perhaps… perhaps this called for a reevaluation. Previously, I’d been seeing her as a friend and a belonging, something to be manipulated, used, and cast aside if she became useless. But with this… guilt thing, maybe another route would work better, another way of seeing her.

Perhaps not as a slave or belonging, but rather as a pet. A creature of love, adoration, and obedience, to be treated kindly but still a lesser creature. To be cared for, but still at the whims of the owner.

Yes, that would work. At least in the short term, until I could better come to grips with everything. My minions had ruined so much in such a short time.

As I heard Clary calling through the trees, signaling that I was close to her, I quickly adopted a nervous expression, and prepared my speech.

I walked into Clary’s vision, and she came running over, worried and shaking. “Shadow? Are you alright? Did… did I do something wrong? I’m so sorry, I just, the moment, it was… I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, or hurt you, or anything!”

“It’s okay. It… it was me. I was nervous, and scared, and just… shocked, shocked that you cared for me, and it only hit me what it meant when we were already kissing. It’s my fault.”

“I… I’m still really sorry. Now that you’ve had a little time to think… do you, do you still want to do this? To be… with me?” She looked so scared, so nervous, so afraid of losing her chance.

I stepped forward, and again, and came up beside her. I brought my hand up to caress her face, and said, “Yes, I do. Everything’s going to be fine, okay? As long as you’re with me. My love, my pet.”

She smiled a desperate, obsessed smile, and we kissed again, and this time there was no guilt. Just Shadow, the goddess of all elements, and Clary, her beloved pet. And… and a curiosity.

I have to know.

I want to understand.

As we kissed, I inhaled, and I drank in her memories, entering her mind and-